Flan came and got me around noon on Sunday and on Raisin Bird's suggestion, we drove to a neighborhood near the fair, then took the bus in. "Is the bus free?" Flan asked the bus driver and he said "ahhh, it's... kinda not". His demeanor was so light and handwavey that we just sat down. No problem. No one on the bus was particularly revved up in spirit but it was nice to look around and think "everyone here is on their way to a good time". The bus dumped us out and we followed the throng.

First Food

First thing I got was an iced coffee, which was fine. I was hoping that the fair's exuberant obsession with things that are dunked, stuffed, powdered, or festooned would apply to the iced coffee as well, but it was pretty regular. No chocolate drizzles, not even whipped cream! I made a note that there's a gap in the market out here for that. The kid who brought the coffee was definitely high, which I appreciated. He wasn't high like "huh?", he was high like "ahhhhhahaha check it out: I'm gonna let you pour the cream. So you can get it perfect :) :)". I said cheers mate, he said Hell yeah.

Creative Practices Center

Saw some nice quilts and handmade goods but the thing that really made me wow was the coffee cake section. Look at this:

I guess I'm wowwing for lack of wow? What am I looking for here, crumb structure? Proximity to a childhood ideal? It's beautiful to win a prize for something plain and nice. No holograms, no hydraulics, no gold flake, no rare ingredients at all. Jeez, imagine ribboning for a coffee cake at the Minnesota state fair-- I would never shut up about it. I'm still saying "award winning writer" and that was in 2006 ("New England Art Award" representing all of New England but not Connecticut).

Haunted Mansion

I told BVS that I'd hit the haunted mansion, so I did, even though neither me nor Flan want to be approached by malevolent energies, even in jest. I was hoping it would be more like a wax museum than an actor-led experience, but it was a mix of the two. I ended up running through the displays when I would've rather looked around, it's really unfortunate. I didn't get a good look at the alien autopsy because I didn't want a clown to touch me.

I bet that's the best job in the fair, being the scare staff-- one kid said "boogety boo" to me, that's incredible. It worked too, I shrieked. I'm an easy mark. The actual scariest thing in the place though, was how dark it was. I was worried I was going to smack my head on a stanchion and get trampled by fair goers unawares. "He seemed too beautiful to be real" say mournful stompers. Didn't happen though! Phew!

Scarecrow

From there we went to the scarecrow competition. Flan made a scarecrow for this and I'll cut the tension and tell you straight away: she didn't win, though she deserves every accolade. She's dropping a zine on this so I'll withhold my takes here. There were a lot that I liked. Some people just got a mannequin and painted it, which I feel is against the spirit of the thing. But actually the spirit of the thing is that no one is refused entry for lack of finesse.

Reptile House

When we went in and saw how small the house itself was, I felt like maybe it wasn't worth the price of admission. But then we got very close to some huge snakes and that was special.

Key Lime Pie Beer

Feeling good I got this silly beer at a large tent blasting entry-level reggae. There was a candy-dusted rim doing much of the flavor lifting but I didn't mind, that's a great idea (note). I made Flan take my picture because I really felt like I was having a personal moment. I don't usually like having my picture taken but I'm practicing getting better at it, and I like to get one when I'm feeling especially beatific. This is nice:

The Olde Mill

This is a dark ride where you float in a little boat in complete darkness. Occasionally you encounter well-lit plywood dioramas of leprechauns but most of the time you're in the type of dark that feels illegal in the business domain of American amusement. I am certain that the original concept here is a "Tunnel Of Love" type ride, where you and your sweetie du jour neck for 5 minutes, then suddenly and just for a second the river winds back out in public and everyone laughs at you, and then you have one more minute in the dark. Then you hastily comb your tousled hair and return to the uptight 1950s world that your parents created. It is also good for platonic adults, we laughed a lot on some "this is it????" type shit. I loved it. I've never done DMT so I can't compare but from the literature it seems like there's some kind of connection there-- darkness, leprechauns, you're immobilized with the feeling of gently drifting forward along a subterranean river...

Root Beer Float

Flan wanted vegan soft serve so we seeked it out. I got a root beer float, which rocked. The fair had a LOT of dank fusion foods, like Hmong corndogs or deep fried kim chi cheese balls, and a lot of pickle stuff, like deep fried pickles stuffed with pork somehow and on a stick of course. These nightmarish repasts took up a lot of the fair's promotional bandwidth, and the lines were Star Wars long. No disrespect! I like when food veers into dreamlike horror, but I'm neither a pork head nor a line guy so I mostly abstained from the novel entries. If you haven't had a root beer float in a while you really gotta go for it.

Miracle Of Birth Center

Flan wouldn't tell me what this was ahead of time, and I tried not to imagine. But then I got one whiff and it was clear-- this building is full of farm animals under duress. Cows, sheep, and pigs, as pregnant as a pause in a major monologue, and really ready to go. Flan said the last time she was there she just looked over and saw one slide right out. For me, as soon as I crossed the threshold I felt all my food fighting, deep within. I made a cursory examination, followed by several deep draughts of fresh air in a nearby pavilion.

Horse Thing

We rested our weary souls in the colisseum, where cowgirls rode their horses slalom through poles, and boy-girl teams galloped side-by-side on a straight track, around a pole, and back, clutching a kerchief between them. I don't really follow sports but I love to drop in on a novel sport and try to figure out the merits of each player's style. I was hoping there'd be an opportunity for me and Flan to place bets (informally, against each other), because that's a quick way to harness attention. But no one was going head to head, everyone was racing against the clock. So we cheered everyone, which is really no problem at all.

Swedish Egg Coffee

I saw "Swedish Egg Coffee" and I thought, OK, here's my decadent moment. And also, here's the food of my people. But then I got it and wow, I don't know why I allowed "Swedish" and "decadence" to co-exist in my mind. This is NOT a coffee with a rich eggy froth on top, this is straight up Lutheran basement coffee. Smooth, kinda weak... so regular! I like it but this is not something you buy, this is something you have at a 12 step meeting. This is what the cops are drinking on a stakeout in a movie from the 70s. No regrets though.

Dinosaur Thing

This was cool but I wish I wrote down the name of this one dinosaur, it was like "gigundosaurus" or "bazoombasaurus" or something. All of the dinos in the exhibit were sleepers, with nary a Jurassic Park alumnus in the mix. Only the most astute 8 year old has ever heard these names. Kinda felt like going to a record fair and everyone's talking about some z-grade garage rock band like they're better than the Sonics, but then you have to step back and realize that these people have listened to the Sonics record 100 million times and it's just wallpaper to them at this point-- they need new details to dial in on. That said, the t-shirt they were selling absolutely had a stegosaurus on it. What was this one guy, it was like "hunkalunkaceratops" or "babealicious max" or something. ??? I never really ask this directly, maybe I should more often, but does anyone know what the fuck I'm talking about????

Butterfly House

After the dinosaur thing we were going to leave but then I was like actually I really want fried dough so we went back in, and that's when we saw it: the butterfly house. You walk through this alien quarantine area and then you're in a VERY yellow lit interior and a teen hands you a Q-Tip with some type of flavor gel on it. Looked like raspberry. Then you just stroll around and butterflies land on you! It's great. Some people had a lot of butterflies landing on them, most had only 1 or 2, and I think it was either like what kind of detergent you use, or how pure your heart is. Or maybe they need a precise pure / foul heart ratio, like they like it best if you're 80% Hello Kitty 20% Dorian Grey. I didn't see any babies OR Scrooges getting swarmed. Me and Flan each got one, it was nice to be a calm place to land for someone.

Fried Dough

I was kind of looking out for it all day but didn't really see any, and then when we were about to leave I was like "it's ok" but then I had a heart to heart with myself and realized that you can only get this at fairs, I love it, I need it. Also we were about to leave and I realized that I no longer felt at all sick to my stomach, and that seemed wrong. I got an elephant ear with NONE of the extra sauces, just butter, cinnamon, and powdered sugar. If you think I didn't get the powdered sugar all over me then you must be thinking of someone else. I was covered in the stuff. I always am! Thank you Flan for taking me to the Minnesota State Fair! I had a great time!!!!!!

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Links / Misc

• If you're reading this TODAY (Wednesday September 9, 2026) then I'm going to be on Flan's radio show, New Flanland, tonight at 8pm EST (7pm CST) at [https://wfmu.org/playlists/NE]. If you're reading this anytime after, you can catch the archive (same link). I love Flan's show and the archives are a very rich environment.
• Greg Harvester's photo show is up in the grand ballroom, take the stairs up and it's on the second floor on the right. Or click here: [here]. For more Greg links see this website I made for him, which is perfect: [https://remoteoutposts.com/].

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